REVIEW OF DELLY SINGAH’S “I DO, I DON’T” – JOURNEYING INTO MATRIMONY (KOBE BRIAN)

Some argue that books are the worst invention in human history; especially for the African psyche that was versed in the tenets of oral tradition.

A statue may be frozen in time but the masterful and intricate touch of the sculptor reveals streams of beauty powerful enough to wash the mind of its impurities only to settle with inspiration for much more. In a more general sense, artifacts may be concrete and instantiated in time like statues, yet the spirit of the artists, a breath flowing up from Adam, captures hope and beauty ever so powerfully.

Delly Singah is a renaissance woman whose works are to be experienced to be believed. If one were to record videos and pictures worth billions of words to annotate the essence of her works, the results will be mere footnotes to the real essence of the wisdom captured and expounded for the masses and future generations. As such, I’m tempted to output a disclaimer that nothing I can write, ever say or draw about Singah’s works will approximate the wealth of value harvestable by directly engaging with them. From the self to the collection, both in doubt and bliss, there is much to comprehend in the pages of I Do! I Don’t!

“What ought me to do?” is a question deep in the social fabrics of every society, for its answers reveal the core ethical principles upon which social contracts are erected. However, the self, being the basic functional unit of every society, is faced challenges in a relatively finite set of domains that collectively present a facade of infinite sets of realities; some of which the uninitiated are left swimming in misery for lack of a better description. Love and finance are 2 domains that are powerful enough to reward high achievers with paramount bliss for the rest of their days, yet scarce enough to strip civilizations off their glory.

Interestingly, I Do! I Don’t! is a melting pot for divine wisdom that’s rooted in grace and experience. What does it mean to be a couple? Is a couple a set of single participants? What does it mean to be single? Is being single synonymous with being incomplete and ready for unfruitful partnerships? Is a relationship a set of transactions for one or a bulk of the participants to achieve their own perfection? What does it mean to be complete? In fact, how can one be complete?

Such questions, not to mention cartons more, may pop up in the mind of the reader, but the beauty of the experience appears in the guise of answers that reveal the essence of being single, complete and ready to journey through fruitful relationships all through to the epitome of both self and collective perfection.

Without doubt, I Do! I Don’t! is a progression from the fundamental to the monumental. It’s a language and framework for social engagement, self-realization and it doubles as a lift for couples to journey through floors of love that would otherwise entail flights of tedious steps and stairs. In Chemistry, the novice is initiated into a soft version of the first 20 elements of the periodic table, then bonding or means of combination, and finally composition or means of abstraction. If chemistry doesn’t cut it then let’s peek at the English language; one is initiated into 26 characters of the alphabet, spelling and composition, whence they’d be able to write words.

The words can be grouped into phrases or sentences, which could then be molded into

paragraphs; and then chapters or sections, all through to books and libraries. The assemblage of words that spell the hands of time are nothing short of authors achieving their own perfection with the assistance of that framework of time.

In view of frameworks and as hinted above, I Do! I Don’t! commences with a foundation on the self as the fundamental unit of love and realization. Like letters of the alphabet, each unit is essential, unique and complete. Like elements of the period table, each unit is complete and ready to bond via sacred rules of bonding. Then the reader is masterfully introduced to bonding or dating, punctuated by a rich tapestry of use cases, scenarios and wisdom from the Holy bible, experience and life itself. A river flows from a source, dates vegetations, starts or nourishes civilizations as it paves its way into the seas. So does this journey in this beautiful book source itself in the self, paves the way to date another self but with rigor and like a river, sets for the ocean of blissful matrimony.

Granted, a self and another self actualize a date. Then what next? Is it a case of happily ever after? Perhaps nothing will work until the participants, as complete as they should, the mysteries of life stem from a simple set of rules that nature herself would choose from and compose to infinite sets of realities. I Do! I Don’t! proceeds with extension into the territories of Principles of Choice. If you are in need of real schooling, please munch on something you love and digest the third chapter of this masterpiece. If a relationship were likened to scuba diving, then one would understand the need to consider the nature of marine life, currents, and in short, lots of marine jargon and endurance. The chapter on the principles of choice dissect the human mind and reveal tools for assessment and engagement. The wise will emerge soaked in the psychology of the human mind and with a grasp of temperaments and armed with the ability to choose, engage and persevere. At this point, the only words I feel that will do justice are the following:

Thank you, Delly Singah

Nonetheless, if this review appears to be a never ending stream of words, then the reader may take a moment to consider the source of this long yarn which is I Do! I Don’t! A tourist in the city of their dream, by choice or chance, is blown away with collections of experiences, most of which are transformational. After being equipped with wisdom on the principles of choice, one dives into regions in relationships that are more concrete and perceptible with the assistance of personas or real images in the head. From mental images of marriage as an abstraction to real images of making good choices, engaging body and spirit in units and collections, the reader is blessed with prose and narratives that smoothen the essence of sharing life and love with another in the attempt to transmute two or more into one.

Beyond the self and its conjunction with another on the stage of wisdom and principles, of the rest of time need diplomacy, humility and all the virtues that are dreamed for the alchemy of happiness. I Do! I Don’t is also mental safety vest in the spheres of courtship. It’s a torch bearer and a sign post on the highway of life, pointing to the altar of sacrifice and clearly annotating the right speed and modes of operation relevant for realizing a wedding itself. In the grandest fashion, like a good literary work which shadows a polymorph of the golden mean of spirituality, I Do! I Don’t! ushers the reader into a gentle introduction to sex. Absorb this chapter and emerge stronger, purer and wiser.

All in all, as every second hands over to the next, wisdom in its most subtle form flows through the generations, settling on the minds of those who vibrate at suitable frequencies, just like listeners to radio stations, and animates their souls to levels that are proportional to how much they affect their surroundings. However, the surroundings are steeped in more seconds handing over to more seconds for eternity. It’s a blessing to have embraced an intersection of seconds as

Delly Singah and to have spent a fraction of my seconds engaging in the pages of I Do! I Don’t.

It’s an honor to have learned from her, for this book and journey is like a mental exercise where the mind, starting as an unpolished metal, progresses to a sparkling mirror on which the beauties of life as an individual and as a couple is reflected ever so wonderfully.

Thank you, Delly Singah!